Tag Archives: healing

About This Word “Bearing”

Bear·ing [ˈberiNG] NOUN –

1. a person’s composure, based on assumptions about his or her character and heritage. (synonyms: posture · comportment · carriage)
2. the level to which something can be tolerated. (synonym: endurance)

Two different types of bearing. But, I think, intimately related.

Our lives are affected by our families in ways we don’t even realize, for good or for bad. We are each either limited or actualized by the huge impact of what they did or didn’t teach us, and by what their treatment either inspired in us, or didn’t. And if we were treated poorly, the insult is often simply accepted, since it may go unnoticed or require too much to act against directly.

How many people do not stand up to love the world because they didn’t feel loved themselves? How can this common struggle be countered when their lack of belief in you convinced you not to seek greater knowledge, not to risk failure, and not to show unconditional love? Can one bear insults, accusations, even wounds well, and move forward with loving actions without some such intimate source of support?

I don’t need to belabor this. And I do think counseling is important, as is the long process of grieving serious offenses and working toward reconciliation wherever possible. But I believe the truth is, yes we can learn to bear these things. And if we truly want to improve our bearing, we must push past this common limitation and reach out in love anyway, wherever we can.

I believe this is how we learn to bear our scars well. I believe this is what bearing means. And as we apply our talents to whatever God gave us to become, we should think about how we’re coming to better understand these two definitions of bearing.

P.S. I’m currently learning a lot about “bearing” from many friends and mentors: F. Buechner (in The Remarkable Ordinary),  Dan Allender (in his online course on overcoming “Orphan, Widow, & Stranger syndrome”), Hillary McBride’s work, as well as D. Benner (in The Gift of Being Yourself). Highly recommended for anyone looking to heal from repressed struggles.

Can Writing Heal the Writer?

“It is not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit, says the LORD of Heaven’s Armies.” —Zechariah 4:6, NLT

 

There’s a problem in writing Christian books. Those of us who write them, whether they’re to Christians or not, we have to be healed first before we can offer healing to readers.

DSC_0203Yet how many of us can claim to be sufficiently healed?

In published stories, fiction or non, it often seems the writer has either fully escaped the darkness their story deals with, or they never struggled as it was. There’s a veneer of professional distance to many novels or memoirs that makes it easy to assume their authors have overcome all their challenges, reconciled with their past, and submitted to the call to share their journey of healing.

Yet is it true? In listening to writers talk about their lives and work, it would seem the reality is often far from that.

It would seem best to have “gotten over” your personal challenges before trying to help others with your story. Trouble is, we’re all writing wounded.

So what should we do? Should we believe writers humble claims about being messy and broken themselves? Or should we all get counseling before we write? Maybe work on how we present so we don’t look like we’re struggling as much as we are?

DSC_0210Or maybe–maybe we should forget looking good and look at what we’re writing for.

It’s worth asking: do we want to get well? And should we seek healing through our books for ourselves or to help our readers?

Those raised in church may hear a trick question there. It can be hard to separate our own needs from others’. Putting our own healing first can seem selfish, and others might judge us for admitting our need. It can feel best to remain silent—and unhealed.

It can also seem best to simply try to help readers, but that never works. As my friend Jamie points out, you can’t share what you don’t have. If for no other reason, as writers, we’ve got to embrace our need first and foremost. It’s not self-centered or sinful to seek healing, even when it requires resources and attention be diverted to us.

Yet can we find healing through our own writing?

Personally, I can attest to the experience of coming to claim what I’ve experienced better through writing about it. Yet, restoration and reconciliation were limited until I sought help beyond what I could produce myself. And my healing came not through church, counseling or relationships, but primarily through reading. And I’m not alone. Many writers’ attest that their most significant healing has come through powerful stories of love and restoration—the very place the inspiration to write for a higher purpose often comes from.

DSC_0200Yet I’ve felt called to help readers with my story and never felt fully healed myself. I wonder how many writers would agree. How many counselors become counselors because they needed counseling? The same might apply to “called” writers.

While I believe it’s possible, even preferable to require the healing you seek to share in writing, when we set out with fresh inspiration to share our message of hope, we must realize we can’t offer readers our full inspiration when we haven’t fully received that light ourselves. Otherwise, we risk trying to manufacture simply an artful experience.

Oswald Chambers says, “If in preaching the gospel you substitute your knowledge of the way of salvation for confidence in the power of the gospel, you hinder people from getting to reality…Never rely on the clearness of your presentation, but…rely on the certainty of God’s redemptive power, and He will create His own life in people” (emphasis mine).

DSC_0201If you haven’t yet been fully healed of your encounter with the darkness, let yourself first experience the full embrace of the light. Though the best writing comes from our broken places, no one can effect their own healing through writing alone for the simple reason that none of us possesses the light on our own. We won’t be able to sufficiently help readers until we do.

Consider, as you write: is your heart free? If writing your story has brought up the need for further healing, don’t ignore that. Seek out the sources God reveals until you see fruit from your restoration. You’re meant to experience writing not only as a lifeline, or a desperate escape, but as an overflow.

And when you write from the overflow, you will feel it, and so will readers.

DSC_0009Don’t forfeit the healing you deserve for the sake of the calling you serve.

Seek him, dear writer, and you will find him.

 

“My speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power…”

—1 Corinthians 2:4, NIV